Jacob Deitz’s blog

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
            -  Jack London

Prefontaine liked this quote so I liked this quote. Mostly I liked it because Pre liked it, I never really thought about what it meant. What is it to be ashes? What is it to be dust? I pictured a brilliant blaze to be similar to that of a firework show, the spectacle of it all. But what really happens when you are converting from one form of solid matter to ashes. This is an unavoidably unpleasant process. There is pain involved; you are completely and utterly broken down in the quest for magnificence.  
By comparison what about dust, dust is nothing but dirt stirred up by the wind, age-old stale sediment that never was much of anything. Dirt stirred by the wind however, does not require a change of state; there is no painful remolding.
But it also never experiences the magnificence of the brilliant flames.

I believe we all should embrace the agony of the flames. The sermon this Sunday spoke to this message; the main point was that it is in our weakness that me might find strength. The meteor must embrace its flammability. It’s mortality, to find the glory of the blaze. If we wish to find greatness, no matter what we do. We must instead of fearing defeat embrace it’s inevitable unavoidable nature.  

This is what London is speaking of, the broken down beat up character of a champion.  There are many athletes who have had success come easy, but these athletes don’t last long. They have not traveled the same path as those battle scarred fighters who have had to climb tooth and nail to the top. When it comes down to the wire, the one who has reached that point of ultimate low, the one who has fallen to the deepest chasm of their soul. The one who has wrestled with his demons and won. He is the one who will overcome, he is the one who will keep pushing when the cold wind blows and the skies are grey, you could stand him at the gates of hell and he won’t back down. He has seen the worst and battled through it, he can handle any situation any time. But even more importantly he is not afraid to push himself to his limit and beyond any time any place. This is what it means to be a brilliant blaze.

Embrace your defeat; let them mold you into a champion wherever you are, whatever you do. Do not fear failure, stare the devil in the eye, dig deep and conquer yourself, turn your fears into strengths and you will be unstoppable.  

Burn brightly!

Godspeed

So I just had the craziest déjà vu, I am explaining to my 8th period class about how they will preserve their plants. More specifically I am explaining the process of melting wax paper with an iron around a plant to preserve the plants. As I am talking I get this vision of someone getting burnt, me being sick, and a big race that is coming up this weekend. I remember having this dream about all of these events, it is hard to explain, but seriously it is like I knew what was going to happen. At the same time I really had to go to the restroom, like there is no waiting, so what do I do? (I don’t hold it like everyone says, I leave my classroom from time to time, but had the teacher across the hall listen in) As I leave I say for the 10th time, do not touch the iron until I get back. But when I get back I can tell one of the irons has moved. And a student comes up to me saying he burned himself. Luckily he did not touch it long enough to actually incur a burn. But………………. Close call.
So what about the rest of the déjà vu? What of the race, I had this déjà vu that this has happened before, I was sick and worried about the upcoming race. But all the worry was not needed because the race ended up turning out very well.

What does this mean? Am I a prophet? Do I see the future? I don’t think that’s my calling but who is to say?  Regardless of visions there is something to be said about how we look to the future. Do we always look for ways that we are going to fail? Do we wait to die, or to get sick, in a car wreck etc? Or do we look to the future with optimism? Each day being a chance to change who we are.
Each day should be the best day ever. Even if by a slim margin, make it better than the day before. Chose a future of greatness, not of mediocrity. Dream big, jump high. We may not make it to the very top, but each day is a chance to get a little further up the mountain. Each day the view is a little better, as you climb higher and higher and see more and more. So what of my race coming up? Did I see myself winning? No but I had a good feeling, a feeling that regardless of time or place I am going to sleep well knowing that I took a shot at glory.  
Choose the road less traveled, choose to suffer for a cause, choose to make a change. We are not supermen, but when you free yourself from worldly expectations you are free to climb, climb, climb.

Godspeed

I chose the title because I feel kind of weird watching myself teach. My image of self has always been internalized, so it is weird seeing me from the outside. The first thing I noticed about my teaching habits (if they can be called habits this early in my career) was that I have a couple of security blankets. The first being my clipboard, I always have it in my hand it doesn't matter whether I actually need it or not. If for some rare reason I set it down, I end up looking around like a child who just lost their parent in a crowded park. “Um, ok, um, aaaaaaa, does anyone know where Mr. Deitz left his clipboard?” 

“Oh here it is” sigh of relief. 

The second security blanket is the white board marker, I love the white board, especially drawing on it and always need to have a marker. What was kind of funny about this was that I didn't seem to have any particular attachment to one specific color. So when I lost the first one or the cap I would just pick up another, so eventually I noticed that there were markers everywhere. This is a slight exaggeration, but I do feel as though a tornado has blown through the classroom after every lesson. I usually have paper, pens and notes in the way of whoever is teaching next. Usually I end up wondering how it all ended up so strewn about. 

I am not sure if my clipboard waving is distracting to student or entertaining so I will have to try to not wave and see how they respond. I'm not going to do anything about the markers. I have tried to quit drinking coffee, but realized you must just embrace some attachments, just as the coffee doesn't really hurt, neither do the markers. 

Now for some positive self talk, what I did good. (EVERYTHING) ok not really, In my dreams right?

There were a couple things that seemed to work very well during my lesson. The students seemed a little sleepy for the first ten minutes or so of class and it was a struggle to get them to participate. But when I got them up to do an activity they became much livelier, and when we got to the post activity discussion, they were much more willing to contribute to the group note taking. I really like to have them come up to the board and they seem to enjoy it as well. So those were some good points.

I'm still learning and it will be interesting to see how I teach next summer, or even by the end of this summer! 

Red dirt roads, muddy water and catfish, I've run the red dirt roads, swam in the muddy water and eaten catfish (as well as crawfish) and its a great day to be alive. We have a great group of new teachers down here and I am enjoying every minute. This is not to say that I don't miss the life I've left but I am truly enjoying my new experience and the new people I am meeting. Today is truly the BEST DAY EVER, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I have good people around me (and great family and friends behind me) I write this as a reminder to myself for those days when the sun isn't shining. Joyfulness is a choice, it is our destination that defines us not our surroundings.  I have been truly blessed and to live my life in any other way would be a waste of the life that I have been given. There are some mountains looming in my horizon, and I am going to have to work hard to get over them. A scary thought but for the knowledge that I am not alone, Jesus is going the distance with me. I know that he is going to be there running right off my shoulder, breathing down my back, never letting the pace slacken. So it is in anticipation that I look towards these next two years. The same way a runner looks at a race coming up; feeling both anxiety and excitement at the challenge to come.

on a lighter note..........

A story of my time thus far

I was shown a trail to run, by a couple our wonderful second years. It was a lot of single track and I was enjoying the soft trails not really thinking about where I was going. Thinking about what these  notorious chiggers that I kept hearing about looked like. I ended up coming out in a different place than I went in. I kind of knew the general direction that I should head, but there are no mountains to get your bearings so I didn't really know where to go. I had biked earlier in the day and then played volleyball for a couple of hours. So I had no intention to go more than 45 minutes. But was nearing an hour I was hungry, thirsty and nearing a serious wall. So when I came to a Y in the road I flagged a car down and asked “which way to Ole Miss?” the man pointed me in the right direction and I headed off. I must have looked pretty bad because he pulled up alongside me and offered me a ride, he said I had a “ways” to go. Sure enough it was six or seven more miles to campus; making my potential loop 15 or so. Definitely more than I bargained on. So thanks to some southern hospitality I made it home before dark. After multiple thanks to him he said that I should think nothing of it, just pass on the goodness.

So I leave you with those words, pass on the goodness!

Godspeed